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  • Writer's pictureVictoria Quinn

"I'm grateful for the moments I've had with you who have vulnerably cried with me."

Rose-Colored Lenses (a Self-Reflection Series)


I woke up from an odd dream this morning a short moment before my alarm at 7:14am.


A friend of mine says that she wakes up every morning with a glass of water. I thought this with the sound of Barbara O'Neill's voice.


My dream was this:


I was video chatting with a friend on my computer. As we were in the chat, I saw, from her screen, three men force open the door in her room strategically. They collectively assisted in encasing, what I had recalled, a black pillowcase over her head and shoulders. One man had his face exposed, one wore a mask and beanie which exposed his eyes and eyebrows, and one wore a shiny, gold, feline-head mask which covered his entire face except for the eyes, which I could not see. As I witnessed, I took screenshots of the video to collect evidence. I could recognize and identify the second man by his eyes and eyebrows. I exclaimed, "I know who you are!"


I searched for my friend for approximately four to six hours into midnight, accompanied by two to four individuals who equipped a van. We searched for the vehicle she had left in. I'm not always in the perspective of me as I tend to be in the narrative.


I don't remember how we found my friend's location. She was at, what looked like, a nursing home or care facility. It was a rectangular, hostel-like room with teal sheets for each bed except for a couple of mattresses. Cardboard boxes of rat traps were propped on each bed. Some of the beds had cotton and microfiber pieces emerged from holes in the mattresses.


My crew and I had climbed into the room through a side window. As I jumped into the room, I saw an older woman caressing her while she was hovering over a sink. I had brought her a ramen soup with broccoli and added it to her bowl of soup, which looked almost empty.


I'm grateful for my comrades. I took some time to feel the loss of losing friends to war or suicide. Yesterday I had felt the need to run qi into my left arm vein and extend crystalline light throughout my veins. I had recalled the many times I have gotten jabbed, especially in the military. I did that now with my right vein, but I think I have more to go.


My friend then told me that the identified man has had a history of repeated offenses which she had been aware of for some time. She had not believed that he would offend her in the same, or similar, ways of his previous offenses. She mentioned of offenses of which he had hit and forcingly intimidated her.


I'm grateful for the moments I've had with you who have vulnerably cried with me. I love being with you in the feeling of sadness.


I help others instill confidence in themselves, and now it's with depth.


 

Behind rose-colored lenses are the secrets of our subconsciousness.


I have created this series of self-reflection writings, 'Rose-Colored Lenses', to show how challenging it can be to make inner peace a daily discipline. Our external reality can sometimes be overwhelmingly polarizing. Also, my middle name is Rose, and I wanted to make it punny.


I think that we do ourselves a disservice when we pretend that everything works out for us all the time. Why do we choose to hide our vulnerability, which is beautiful?


Vulnerability is one of my greatest weaknesses. Paradoxically, courage is one of my greatest strengths.


Personally, I am embarking on this series to test, and "check", myself - which I have a habit of doing anyway. I tend to dive head-first into uncomfortable situations, and quite often. But then I get to reap the reward of wisdom from a learned experience.


I hope that my vulnerability helps anyone who may benefit from it.


Authenticity is liberating!

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