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  • Writer's pictureVictoria Quinn

"Aware-abouts."

Rose-Colored Lenses (a Self-Reflection Series)


11:17pm. First time hearing rain in a while, and it's soothing. I'm able to catch long periods of silence in the late evening. Funny I type that now. A dog outside sounds like chirping more than barking.


The dogs here don't seem to like their current situation, daily. Their barks are more like whimpers and howls instead of neighborhood alerts.


It's bittersweet to mature. Shedding illusions and idealistic fantasies leaves me with the feeling of disappointment, the bitter part. We only disappoint ourselves because we choose not to see things as they truly are, but as what we had hoped for them to be. Two barks. False hope is the fuel of a broken engine. I think it's better to be realistically disappointed than live in superficial ignorance.


I learned that the word 'nice' derives from 'ignorant'. Have a nice day - have an ignorant day. It's insane how indoctrinated even our language is.


The sweet part of maturing is loving myself enough to invest in myself - depositing little notes of wisdom from hardship and heartbreak. A long-term investment of emotional stability. Being able to say that we love ourselves, genuinely. We alone can uncover this love for ourselves since this is the sole connection between us and our god within. Our shadow causes havoc when we try to hide it. Best to befriend it rather than chase it. Have it work with you instead of for you, otherwise it may turn against you.


I've had a couple of odd dreams back-to-back, one about a shooting in a theater and one about two women getting shot by militia with their arms raised. They weren't suspects or criminals in my dream.


I had a great conversation today with a friend about the intentional, systemic divide between men and women, and what healthy families could look like when we are internally balanced.


I once was lost, but now I'm found. I found my lost self. I am self-found.


If we are consciously aware that we are lost, then that must mean we are already found. Recognizing when we're lost (in)advertently brings awareness to where we are. Aware-abouts. We find ourselves in self-awareness. Now that we know where we are, we then can learn to accept our 'aware-abouts' and seek to navigate to where we want to be. Are we ever truly lost - or exactly where we need to be in the present, at all times?


"Was blind, but now I see." Behind the lie, the truth is beautiful. And real. The only reality I prefer. To feel (super) natural in our freely authentic selves. No strings attached.


It was sweet to have the rain accompany me today. Releasing more and more conditioning is like our heart losing weight, shedding pounds of emotionally taxing burdens. It's worth unveiling the illusion. 12:23am.


 

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